Listening to: Hyde- Hello

I've moved, far far away. Or to Pitas, so I can enjoy the bannerless-ness and proper spelling. *coughpheonixcough* Anyways. Yeah.

## :: C L I C K M E :: ##

I'm still working out some of the kinks...so blah. Fuck you if you've got a problem with it. ~_~ It's not my fault I'm retarded.....

It also isn't helping that Angelfire is currently having technical difficulties. Fucker.

  posted by Brittany @ 23:14

 
I'm scared....

  posted by Brittany @ 14:06

 
Listening to:Orugo-Ru- Juliet ~eien ni utsukushiku

This...this is my fault, I know it...

I feel horrible, I feel guilty, I feel selfish....I...I don't know what to do...

I didn't mean it, but I didn't think about it either, and now someone I care about is hurting, and it's my fault. I know it....and I don't know what to do about it...It hurts....I'm sorry...

I know this is stupid, it's stupid that I could be so pathetic...maybe it would be best if I just stopped writing in this stupid thing. Stay off AIM, then I'd never be able to talk to anyone...I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone again...

  posted by Brittany @ 13:38

 
Listening to: Hyde- Hello

Do you ever get that feeling....that feeling that something has happened? Something has happened to someone else? Not necessarily...like, physical harm or something, just discomfort, or...sadness or something....
It's been bothering me all night. Rargh.

Never have I been so bored in my life. Sko did not get on tonight, as he was probably sleeping like the rest of the normal people (not that I would call Sko NORMAL, per se...but you get it...) and Xero was only on for about half an hour, attempting to make a time machine so he could go back in time and kill the fembots. o_O It would be best if you did not ask.

So I've done nothing since 6 pm when I got on, from now, 6 am. Except drink a SHITLOAD of Dr. Pepper. I mean alot of Dr. Pepper. Perhaps I should go to bed soon, before my mom gets home...but I don't want to. I'm not tired, and if I try to go to sleep, I won't be able to. I'll lay there for hours and think about shit I shouldn't be thinking of, and I'll feel worse. And by whatever crazy chance that I DO get to sleep, I will probably have nightmares. As I seem to do often lately. I am really getting sick of this...this routine, my stupid life...sitting around and waiting for something to happen....It's tedious, it's annoying, and I am tired. I am tired, tired of pretty much everything. I'm tired of being helpless, I'm tired of being pathetic, I'm tired of going on in hopes that I just might fid a point one day, living on the single thought that people tell me to. I'm ready to just give up.

This is stupid, this is pointless, and as you probably don't give a fucking damn anyways, I'm going to shut my stupid face. Nobody likes a whiny bitcher. It would be well deserved if someone slapped me right now. Or stabbed me in a spot that would be fatal. Like my head. Stab me. Come on, you know you want to. Fucking stab me.

Urgh. ........right. Whatever. I'll shut my stupid mouth now.

Listening to: Malice Mizer- Illuminati

  posted by Brittany @ 06:41

 
Listening to : Dir en Grey - Kasumi

*Sigh sigh sigh* I did a little research, and it turns out that the PS2 does NOT have VCD capabilities. Which means no Six Ugly VCD for me. I will have to wait (probably a very long time) until 1.) someone on ebay puts the DVD up for auction or 2.) CDJapan lowers their price (it is currently FIFTY DOLLARS!). Sigh. I WANT IT, DAMN IT. Last night I downloaded the Kasumi Single Extra Video, which has like a five minute preview of the Six Ugly Kingdom DVD, and it looks AWESOME. Sko says that he ordered it, but he hasn't gotten it, and apparently Darvy actually does have it, and he says that it is AWESOME. ARGH, I WANTS! *sobs* Wah. I could just get the VCD and watch it on my compy....@_@ I'm crazy and obsessed. Leave me alone, I have no life. ;_;
But..I was thinking about trying to persuade my mom to get me this instead. (Can you tell that I am obsessed with accumulating live stuff? ....Yeah, I'm a freak.) Hrm, hrm. @_@ Whatever.

It's already fucking seven o'clock. What kind of bullcrap is that. ~_~ Sigh. I am the boredness. >_< I had this crazy urge when I went to bed (This morning..) to write something. I don't know why I suddenly felt like it, and now the urge is totally gone. I couldn't write something right now if my life depended on it. Damn you~! Damn you, brain, for being...stupid! Blargh. I am still the boredness. Suddenly when I can't do something, I really really want to do it. BorEDNESs! I really need to stop posting in this stupid blog...all I do is complain and bitch and complain.

I am wondering vaguely where my stupid father is...I haven't seen him all day, and apparently my sisters don't know where he is either. I am VERY hungry, as I have not eaten in forever, so I want him to bring some goddamn food home, so I can eat for once. There is nothing to eat in this stupid house. My mom has to work today and tommorow, so she won't be able to buy any groceries until at least Sunday, and I am betting even then she won't go shopping, either. So it kind of looks like I won't be eating until Monday...or something. So..right. Food, need food. @_@ I'm going to go eat some dirt or chew on a boot or something...@_@ Maybe it will taste good. @_@

Urgh. I haven't been feeling well.......and I need to shut up. I need to go die somewhere.

Listening to: Cure-Kono hitomi ni miete mienai...

  posted by Brittany @ 19:34

 
Yay, it's raining! *plays in the rain like an idiot*

  posted by Brittany @ 07:17

 
Waaah! Somebody bought the DeG 5 Ugly Kingdom DVD I wanted on eBay...;_; D-DAMN, my head hurts. I want that DVD so bad.........damn! Want! Need...money.....*mugs an old lady*

......okay, I'm not that desperate.....but I'd sell my hand for it. I've given up on the Kozi CD, because I already downloaded most of the songs anyways...:P ..............It's 7 in the morning.....but I'm not getting off until this finishes downloading, damn it!

  posted by Brittany @ 07:04

 
Listening to: Inugami Circus-Dan: Kichiku

Before I rant and complain endlessly, I would like to give some good news.
1. Vanilla Cream linked me.
2. Cadenza linked me. (O.o)
3. Higouhou Updated...I put the new Plastic Tree single on there. And some others.



...uhm...yeah. I have not gotten any sleep all week. It doesn't help that my mom has been working all week so Jordan and Ashlyn have been running around the house in the morning because she is sleeping. AND, what's more....they're not allowed to make their breakfast or their lunch anymore. They simply cannot do it, because they are lazy-asses who can't clean up after themselves. Three whole days in a row I was forced to wipe down the counters and mop the entire kitchen because one of them spilled some kind of juicey-substance on the counter and did not even bother to clean it up. Sure, why not? Someone else - namely me, God forbid anyone else should - will clean it up, so why the fuck should they do it themselves? SO, now I am being forced to get up at 9:30 in the morning to make them breakfast. Basically, I am being punished because they don't think they have to do a damn thing in this house. Because they are fucking brats and they know that someone else will do it for them. So now I get about 3 hours of sleep evey day, because I cannot sleep at night. So...I'm expecting to die sometime soon. Whoopee.

Yesterday was quite possibly one of the most horrible days of my life. Waking up at 9:30 after going to bed at 7:00. Ashlyn sat there for what seemed like hours at my door, at first knocking, then pounding on it like a fucking maniac, falling on the floor and wining like she hadn't eaten in days or something, because she was so starving. Ashlyn, there are starving people in Ethiopia. YOU, are not starving, quite the opposite. There is no food in this house because of them, because they eat whatever they want whenever they want when nobody is looking, then they blame it on me, or they blame it on the other one. Sorry, I eat perhaps once a day, twice if I'm really hungry, I'm not eating your stupid fucking browinies and whatever crappy chocolate/fattening crap you stuff into your bodies. You two are FAR from starving. After Ashlyn finally decided she was gonna actually come into my room and yell at me, ne, THROW STUFF AT ME, I was starting to get pretty pissed. After about ten minutes of telling her that I would be there in a minute, and ten more minutes of hearing "But I'm starving!" back, I finally reached my limit and leaped out of the bed. I believe something like "I'm gonna fucking kill you" came out, but she was too much in a frenzy to actually hear what I said, or else I'd be dead and buried right now (not that I'd have a problem with that...). I then proceeded to beat the crap out of her. Yes, I beat the crap out of my seven year old sister, oh well. She had it coming. Don't get me wrong, I didn't beat her senseless, ruthlessly so she has bruises and stuff, I just kicked her and stuff. She's fucking fine. She'll get over it and learn not to EVER wake me up in the morning. EVER.

So....I go back to bed after making their breakfasts. This seemed like an incredibly difficult task at 9:50-ish or whatever, having hardly any sleep. All I wanted to do was pass out. So I made them cereal and went back to bed, and hardly an hour later, my mom is standing above me telling me to wake up. She has to go to the bank or some shit, and she needs me to watch them. Since WHEN have they ever needed watching? Since WHEN have they ever needed watching? And plus, they were OUTSIDE, so how the hell do you want me to watch them? Sorry, your pushing your luck if you think I'm going to go outside to watch my brat sisters who would probably be better off if I just stayed inside and slept. So fuck you, ha. But alas, I could not go back to sleep. I'd reached my sleep count for the day, apparently, so I just sat in the living room and more or less stared around for a bit. After I had reached my boredom limit, I finally called Patrick and hid in my room. IT IS FUCKING COLD IN THIS HOUSE. What the FUCKING HELL is my mother's problem? Why the hell does she think that the house has to be so damn cold?! In addition to that, she also has a humungoid-ass fan in her room. What the fuck is her problem? What, was she born with an abnormal amount of body heat? Must she torture the rest of her dumb-ass family with the fucking coldness?! Fuck you, lady. >_<

Augh. To make things infinitely worse, my stomach started hurting later, around one-ish...and it was possibly the worst pain I have been in, in probably my entire life. I had been sneezing lately, and getting frequent headaches, but I hadn't had any stomach-aches (as of late, anyways...which is strange...) until yesterday. Even right now I have one, though it isn't anywhere as bad as yesterday's. I tried to just lie down in bed for awhile, I tried taking some pills, but nothing worked. It only got worse. Then I would get these sudden attacks of nausea, where I would THINK that I had to throw up, but I wouldn't, and it made me have to jump up out of bed every five minutes to run to the bathroom. Around this time my mom was getting ready to leave for work, and she told me to freaking make them some dinner...which I flatly refused to do. I told her I didn't feel good, and she told me that I would just have to get over it, because they wanted those pizzas, and those had to go in the oven, and they couldn't work the oven. Well, you know what? I really don't care what they want. I don't. They can make their own damn dinner, and if they want something that involves cooking, tough shit. Burn the house down. I don't give a damn, maybe I'd be uninformed and accidentally die in the fucking fire. >_< Either that, or make a fucking sandwich or something. Just leave me the hell alone.

Right before I actually did decide to make their dinner - after my mom had left - I got the most excruciating stomach ache of them all, and promptly began to throw up. Alot. Painfully. Nasty, nasty, nasty. I thew up probably twice. I threw up, went back to bed, threw up, then went to - reluctantly - make their dinner before they had a freaking fit "because they were STARVING" apparently. Apparently I hadn't given them anything to eat ALL DAY, and like good litte children, they didn't eat anything else of their own will. Yeah, I really bet you didn't. So I made them dinner, promptly threw up again, and went back to bed. And lay there for probably four hours before I fell asleep. Then decided that they wanted to wake me up, for whatever retarded reason, and I went back to bed. Kinda - just without the sleeping part. So I read a little bit, my stomach still hurting, and went back to sleep. When I woke, they were in their beds (this was surprising), asleep. When I woke I did feel much better, there was not much of a lingering stomachache...but I had a little bit of a headache, but I was still fine. No big deal. I thought about eating something...but thought it wouldn't be wise (even though I hadn't eaten all day...). So I basically sat around watching infomercials and stupid talk shows about whatever shit happened to come up until....some time that was very late. (I rarely pay attention to the time, unless I'm away from home..) Then I played Onimusha for awhile, died a miserable, horrible and painful death by the current boss (I actually got past that stupid part with the girl! Go me, and I didn't even use *ALL* of Samanosuke's medicines, either! So then I beat THAT boss with Samanosuke....and now I'm in the...(dramatic music) Dark World. I opened that stupid gate with that arrow, and now the first thing I have to do is fight this humungoid-ass boss with a very large sword and shield, who is like ten times huger than me. ...*Sigh* Yay.) Then I watched Thirteen Ghosts and a bunch of other stuff until I went to bed. I read for an hour or two....sat around, read some more, and yah yah....then I went to bed. Very late-like. ~_~

So yeah. To add on to all of this, my computer is royally screwed. When you boot up the computer it asks some stupid thing about inserting the proper media or something...(What? Uhm...I didn't do anything, damn it! >_<) I didn't do ANYTHING the last time I was on the computer, I just got on and tried to get something off of my computer for the site, it froze up a few times, so I shut it down. And now it's asking me for this bullshit....so I tried everything I knew to get it to work, and nothing worked. I shut it down and desperately hoped for a miracle, as ALL OF MY FICS ARE ON THAT COMPUTER. Every damn one. I have nothing on that computer exept parts of my website backed up. Nothing else. Soo....I can't get on my computer. So I tried everything, and I finally gave up hope. So I tried to format it, to wipe it....and I couldn't even do that. It told me that the fomat was not supported on Drive C:\, and that the format had been terminated. WHAT THE FUCK. So, my computer is royally fucked up now. I will be getting rid of all of my websites exept for my J-rock MP3 one. Which nobody cares about anyways. ~_~ Not that the rest of my sites mattered anyways, they were pieces of shit. Just like everything else I do. So...more or less, I have nothing to do. I could post in BM....but I'm sure they would probably be shittier than the last two, and K-chan and J-kun would probably have aneurisms from the horribleness of it all. I imagine that I would be very very very (very x 10000000000000000) miserable and guilty if that happened. I know it. Soo...I have nothing to do but sit here and complain to whoever in their insane mind is actually reading this.

Well...when things start getting better, it is only inevitable that they will get even worse than they were before. I am doomed to be unhappy for the rest of my hopefully very short life. Doomed to helplessly watch others be unhappy. Every day that I wake up, I wish more and more that I wasn't waking up, that I would just die in my sleep. Unfortunately, I am not so fortunate and apparently can't just.....die. Damn it. The days drag on...and I would welcome dying more and more as the days, the minutes of endlessness drag on, not doing anything at all....just sitting around watching bad talk shows on the limited cable that we have. When I wake up and realize it...realize that I'm still alive, trapped in my own hopeless thoughts, I just wish that someone would just...come out and tell me it's some kind of sick joke.

Well, I'm sorry. Sorry...

Listening to: Plastic Tree- Closet Child

  posted by Brittany @ 11:44

 
Listening to: Sugizo and The Spank Your Juice-SUPER LOVE!(Yeah, you heard it. Spank my juice, biznatch.)

A Night Of Insomnia-Induced Madness on Soulseek

 
I'm an insomniac. This proves it. Oh, damn do my eyes hurt...

  posted by Brittany @ 06:28

 
Listening to: Cure-Kono hitomi ni miete mienai...

AUGH, MY EYES HURT! *Rolls around on floor, screaming madly* AIE~~~~~~~~~~~! It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts!!!!!!!!!!! *cries*

Uhm...yeah! I'm in m4d p41n! *sweatdrop* Maybe I'm being a little too dramatic....^^; But they do hurt like a bitch. Well...it's about three. Time for dinner! XD

....so I'm gonna sit here and eat my Cheez-its and drink Dr. Pepper out of a 2 liter bottle until my eyes stop hurting. Then it's back to Soulseek. XD I'm freaking telling you, Soulseek kicks your ass! ..I am so obsessed! Augh, but my eyes hurt. I better stop. I should. But I dun wanna. I still need to post in BM....

Listening to: hide-Rocket Dive

  posted by Brittany @ 04:10